      
      
      
An Interview
With
Jeff Strand
ER!-Let the
painful interview begin! Wait! Back up and exchange
"ful" for "less". Yes, that's
better. A painless interview, of course. Jeff,
thanks so much for agreeing to this. Let's talk
about your works first so surfers can run right out to
get them if they feel the sudden urge. Your book,
GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) from
Wordbeams has received fantastic reviews. Can you give us
a brief "blurb" of this book?
JS-I
could, but being a lazy bum I'll just read the one
off the back of the disk: "When you're
desperate for money, searching for a little
adventure, and aren't the most responsible person in
the world, you can end up doing some outrageous
things. Which is how Andrew Mayhem, an
extremely married father of two, ends up accepting
$20,000 to find a key...a key buried with a body in a
shallow grave." All kinds of cool stuff
happens after that.
ER!-And
what about HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS? This book was
recently released from Hard Shell Word Factory.
What's it about?
JS-It's
about hope. It's about destiny. It's
about sacrifice for the greater good. It's also
about this princess who gets killed in a delightfully
comical manner, and this squire who must find a way
to bring her back to life. It was originally
supposed to tell the 1,297 page story of two
aristocratic Russian families during the Napoleonic
Wars in the early 1800's, but at the last second I
went for the fantasy spoof idea.
ER!-OUT OF
WHACK is coming soon from Street Saint Publications and
ELROD MCBUGLE ON THE LOOSE will be available in October
from DiskUs Publishing. Here's the challenge: In every
description, review, and comment from fans, the
conclusion is universal. Your works have been
described as hilarious, captivating, outrageous comedy,
bizarre, twisted, incredibly funny, demented, fun, and
seriously warped. Did I cover them all? Can
you tell us about these two books without using the above
words?<bg>
JS-They're
goofy, deranged, wacky, bent, irreverent, odd,
absurd, and off-the-wall. OUT OF WHACK also has
dirty parts, so don't let the youngsters read
it! ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE, being a book
for kids (and adults who were warped as kids), does
not have any dirty parts, but hopefully parents will
complain anyway so that their offspring feel
compelled to buy a few dozen copies as an act of
rebellion.
ER!-What
are you currently working on?
JS-Well,
this interview, mostly. Besides that, I'm
working on a collection of short stories (dark
comedies) and a large-scale fantasy/humor novel with
the working title THE SORCERY TOUR, which is about
both sorcery and a tour, as well as the word
"the." And I'm brainstorming ideas
for the third Andrew Mayhem novel.
ER!-I
absolutely loved the section of your site called Oprah
Will Never Pick This. It's hilarious. I
didn't have the opportunity to be at the Eppie Award
Ceremony in person, but I've heard wonderful things about
your being MC. Where does this side of your
personality, your humor, come from? Is it
inherited? Or did you sell your soul to get it:-)?
JS-Why,
thank you! While each of my parents have a
great sense of humor, it is certainly not MY sense of
humor. They don't get mine. At all.
Not even a little bit. I keep forwarding them
all the reviews that indicate that my books are, in
fact, somewhat amusing to certain segments of the
reading audience, but they still don't see the
humor. So I don't know where it came
from. Obviously I was born too close to methane
fumes.
ER!-Are
there ever times you consider giving up the writing?
Bouts of writers' block? If so, what do you do to
overcome it?
JS-I
have never once in all the years I've been writing
(and we're talking all the way back to grade school)
considered giving it up. Now, I've given up
various TYPES of writing...in fact, right before I
became involved with e-publishing, I got frustrated
with all the "We love it but we can't use
it" rejections and gave up writing fiction in
favor of screenplays...but never writing in
general. For me, writers' block is just me
being a lazy bastard, which is overcome by forcing
myself to sit in front of the computer and write
instead of playing around on the Internet.
ER!-Is
there anything out there that you'd like to do, but
haven't yet been given the opportunity?
[Graphic
response censored.]
ER!-Is
there a book that you've written, but we'll never see?
Why?
JS-There
are literally thousands of pages of half-completed
projects that you will never see. And you will
never see my first eleven screenplays. You will
also never see my novels GHOULISH DELIGHTS (though I
did swipe the title for the name of the movie studio
in Graverobbers) or my novel THE FINAL DRIVE.
And you will never, ever, ever, ever see my short
story "Kiss My Guts."
ER!-If you
weren't a writer, what would you be doing?
JS-Pounding
away at the keyboard wondering why no words were
appearing.
ER!-Of all
the characters you've written about, who would you say is
most like you? And why?
JS-I do
my best to not be like ANY of my characters!
Let's see...I'm probably closest to Seth Trexler in
OUT OF WHACK, which many people assume is
semi-autobiographical, even though it's not by a long
shot. And even there, it's maybe 10% me, 90%
invention. Andrew Mayhem and Elrod McBugle, my
other first-person narrators, are also very
dissimilar from myself, although I guess I have some
of Andrew Mayhem's "bumbling incompetent"
traits. They all share my writing
"voice," but not my personality.
ER!-What
would you consider is your greatest accomplishment?
JS-The
"Escargot of Death" gag when I hosted the
EPPIES. I still fall to the floor and laugh for
thirty, forty minutes at a stretch when I think of
that one. Hee hee hee...
ER!-What's
the non-writing world like for you? Is there a wife, a
girlfriend, a couple of each? Children?
JS-Am I
allowed to have a couple of each? Wow, I miss
all the good announcements. Yes, there's a
wife, who is also a writer (THE RETURN, the ultimate
in young adult Revolutionary War romantic zombie
novels, is coming early next year from
Wordbeams!). So that her writing career won't
be dragged into the sewer by associating with me, she
writes under the name Lynne Hansen, though I guess
I've screwed that up by blabbing it here. No
kids for me until I'm able to forget how I acted as a
child.
ER!-Many
readers wonder what's going on in an author's head, and
here's the part where we find out<g>.
JS-Describe
yourself in one line:
Tall skinny guy with a goofy sense of humor.
ER!-(Finish
this sentence) On a Saturday night you'll find me...
JS-Playing
around on the Internet...OH DEAR GOD I'M SO
PATHETIC!!!
ER!-If I
were a cartoon character I'd be...
JS-Buzz
Lightyear.
ER!-If I
could have one wish, I would wish...
JS-TO
RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!
ER!-What
kind of car do you drive?
JS-A
blue 1985 Plymouth Caravelle without air
conditioning.
ER!-What
kind of car do you *want* to drive?
JS-A
blue 1985 Plymouth Caravelle with air conditioning.
ER!-Answer
the following questions as quickly as possible, but feel
free to expand on any of your answers (Hey, it's not a
test).:
What's your favorite movie?
JS-THE
NAKED GUN. Depending on when you ask, my answer
could also be ARMY OF DARKNESS or SPEED.
ER!-Favorite
song?
JS-"One
More Minute" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
ER!-Favorite
snack?
JS-Chewy
Tart-n-Tinys.
ER!-Favorite
book?
JS-BOY'S
LIFE by Robert R. McCammon, followed closely by SWAN
SONG by the same author. For non-fiction,
anything Dave Barry has written.
ER!-Typewriter
or computer?
JS-Computer.
Do they even make typewriters any more?
ER!-Soup or
salad?
JS-Salad
with ranch dressing and lots of onions.
ER!-Pre-planner
or blind leap?
JS-Blind
leap. (I'm married to somebody who is
absolutely terrifying in her devotion to the art of
pre-planning, so we have to balance each other out.)
ER!-Turkey
burger or steak?
JS-A
big steak, medium rare.
ER!-Slacks
or jeans?
JS-Jeans.
ER!-Boxers
or briefs?
JS-Boxers.
ER!-Are
blondes really more fun?
JS-As
somebody who is married to a blonde, my answer has to
be "Yes, of course, dear."
ER!-Have
you ever held anyone hostage?
JS-Not
for more than a couple weeks, and they were always
free to leave whenever they chewed through the
chains.
ER!-If no,
would you?
That
depends...do you have any plans for tonight?
ER!-Unfortunately,
I already agreed to be held hostage by another
psycho-author tonight. Plus, I whine a lot. Drives my
captors nuts.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
JS-I
love everyone I see.
ER!-Are
aliens real?
JS-The
one attached to my spinal column seems to be.
ER!-If you
could vote members off of Gilligan's Island, who would
get the boot first?
JS-Gilligan.
What a geek.
ER!-If
Godzilla and Superman got into a street fight (no weapons
allowed), who would win?
JS-Superman,
but then Spider-Man would promptly show up and kick
his butt.
ER!-And
finally (and you can take your time on this one:-)),
what's next for you? Your next book? Writing venture?
Goal?
JS-Well,
let's see...the sequel to Graverobbers, SINGLE WHITE
PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, is set for a March 2001
release. My goal is to just continue writing
new books...bigger, better, funnier books...and keep
increasing the size of my audience. Sell a
screenplay or a movie option on one of my
books. Break into mass-market print. Win
a few dozen literary awards. Finally get this
office cleaned up. And, of course, rule the
world.
Remember
to visit Jeff's Website
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